singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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