I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
