and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
