She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
