Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
