afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
