so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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