I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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