first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
