dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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