ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
