I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
