I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
