How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
