Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
