Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
