Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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