Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
