dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
