I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
