As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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