I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
