I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm both gender and math confused
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
