He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
