DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
