I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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