Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
