glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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