I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
