you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
