You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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