Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
