and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
