I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
