i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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