I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
