Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
