Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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