I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just high enough for therapy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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