Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
