the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
