I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
