Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They took my balls.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
