Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
