I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
