if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
