It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We need to get me chipped asap
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
