Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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