Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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