Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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