ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
