im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
