Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
