Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
